Over the past week, our country has been rocked by the news of George Floyd’s unnecessary death at the hands of the police. This video, coming on the heels of countless others, shows the continued injustices and challenges faced by the black community. Our children are learning and absorbing information from the world around them and as parents, we have the unique opportunity to help guide them through discussions about the hard stuff that is necessary to bring about change. At times, our parental instincts are to shelter and protect them from the world when it gets scary, but that is a privilege that unfortunately, not all families have. Black families and children have been having deep conversations about racism and inequality from early on as they have faced discrimination on a systemic level for decades. Now more than ever, it is important to have conversations about race and racism with your children, particularly in households that have not been having these discussions. So, where do we start? Here are five suggestions on how to navigate this conversation with your children:
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The worldwide pandemic itself is certainly reason enough to fire up our internal alarm bells, and certainly can and should motivate
taking reasonable actions to protect ourselves, our loved ones, neighbors, friends, and even strangers (friends we have not yet met). Continue Reading
Published in Indy’s Child Newsletter
Okay parents, time to get serious about reinforcing our children’s positive body image. Recent studies indicate that over 90% of women and girls are currently dissatisfied with their body shape and size. Forty to 60% of men and boys reported dissatisfaction as well. These studies included children as young as 5 years old! For kids, body dissatisfaction can be a predictor of low confidence, self-esteem issues, and disordered eating as they become teenagers. But parents, we are not helpless here, there are steps you can take to create and reinforce a positive body image in your child.
Published in Indy’s Child Newsletter
Last year, the LEGO Foundation released its “Play Well Report”, a survey of over 12,000 adults and children exploring the link between happiness and time spent playing together as a family. The results revealed a strong link between the number of hours a family spends playing together and an overall sense of family happiness. For children, play is essential to healthy physical and emotional development. It teaches them how to interact with others, how to think critically, and problem solve effectively. Play offers them an opportunity to establish their sense of self, expand their imaginations and foster creativity, as well as learn to cope with difficult emotions in situations they can control. For adults, play helps to relieve stress, stimulate creativity, and improve cooperation, among other things. And, for families, play fundamental for good communication skills, teaching empathy and compassion, and building trust.
Published in Indy’s Child Newsletter
Dear Fellow Parents,
If you’re anything like me, you may need a lighter perspective following the first week of our strange, new, COVID-19 reality. So, hear you go: Congratulations! I mean it. This past week was one of the most difficult, slow-moving, parenting experiences I’ve had so far. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children, I love spending time with them, but there is nothing like the task of facilitating e-learning with absolutely no option of escape to make you question your ability to be a quality parent. And this of course is the best-case scenario, one in which you are not personally or directly affected by the actual illness. So, here’s the thing to know, you are a great parent, and now, more than ever, I want to make sure you hear me when I say, we are all doing the very best that we can right now. And, it is good enough! Enough is the important word here, enough. We do not have to be homeschooling super stars or master the art of cooking a week’s worth of kid-friendly meals from whatever you currently have in your pantry – we just have to be good enough. Lower your expectations of yourself, settle into the moment, and give yourself a high-five if you can currently locate all of your children.
Many couples who come to see me for marital counseling say “we can’t communicate”, or “we argue about everything.” In fact, it’s not unusual for them to say both! Whether it’s what to do on the weekend, who does what chores, or how one partner looks at someone of the opposite sex, conflicts seem to spring up all over the place, never resolved. While conflict is normal in marriages, it can also lead to much pain if not handled in a healthy way.
Do you want to participate in New Years’ Eve parties and family gatherings during the holidays, but the thought of being yourself around other people stresses you out? Do you clam up or feel unsure of what to say during social situations? Do your negative thoughts about yourself and how you are perceived run wild? Or–perhaps this is a familiar scenario: you go to family gatherings and friend get-togethers, but feel as if you have to put on a false front in order to fit in. At the end of the day, you are exhausted and you don’t feel any more connected to the people you just spent time with. You feel as if you are on the outside looking in. Everyone else but you seems to connect. For those of us who struggle in the social realm, the holidays have a way of highlighting this perceived deficiency. In fact, social anxiety is the highest diagnosed form of anxiety disorders, so there are probably many of us walking around feeling socially defective at this time of year.
Thankfully, the dawning of the new year can also spark hope. At this time of year, we are driven to reflect on our past and make resolutions for a better future. Perhaps you have not been as involved as you have wanted to be in your social life. Or perhaps you have not wanted to be involved socially, but something in your life seems to be amiss. If you are looking for a New Years’ Resolution, here are the top 5 ways to tackle social exclusion and anxiety in 2020:
This article originally appear in the November issue of Indy’s Child.
Oh joy: Here come the holidays! And along with all the merriment and holiday happiness, ‘tis the season for feeling rushed, overscheduled, overwhelmed and just all around stressed out. Sadly, adults are not the only ones feeling the pain. Kids also feel the burden of anxiety and stress around the holidays. So, let’s not allow this year to be a repeat of last year’s holiday craze; instead, make space for a real sense of peace, calm and family togetherness. Now that is something to look forward to!
Ever google something like “therapists in my area” to discover more choices exist than you can possibly review? The increasing number of private practice therapists out there is growing, and this is great news in terms of increasing accessibility to therapy. However, without knowing who exactly you are looking for, the choices can be daunting. And let me be very clear, finding the right therapist for you is critical to achieve positive outcomes in therapy. I usually offer the same advice to anyone asking me how to go about finding a therapist…book at least 2 intake appointments – 3 is optimal. If you attend 3 intake sessions with 3 different therapist and you still don’t feel like you’ve found the right one, then it is probably a “you” problem and not a therapist “fit” problem – as in, you are probably not really ready for therapy.
Simply put, “schemas” can be referred to as “life traps”. Life traps are self-defeating patterns of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that keep us stuck. Do we all have life traps? Yes, and here is why: none of us get out of childhood unscathed. Try as they may have, none of our parents ever peaked at perfection. We have all experienced trauma in our lives, believe it or not. Whether that be “trauma” with a lowercase “t”, “Trauma” with a capital “T”, or all caps “TRAUMA”, we have all had our needs neglected at some point or another, or terrible things have happened to us in varying degrees. The bottom line is, life traps are unfortunately easy to develop.